EMAIL THE OBSCURE ONE

The short nap at the end of a long night.

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I really want to complain about something but I don't really have anything to be upset about. Except being sick. You know, maybe it's because I work at an elementary school, but when you are sick there is very little value in the commentary those around you make. Let's review the comments I have had over the past few days. Now I do understand that some of the comments were made with loving intentions. Nonetheless, do you go up to a grouchy bear and punch it's cub in the head? No. This would be poor planning on your part. So is stating these comments to me when I am circling death's neighborhood.

"So, are you sick?" The check-out girl at Brookshires after seeing my items (tylenol and cough syrup). Nah, I just thought that I would have a really good time since drinking the entire bottle of Scope turned out so well

"You look really bad." Numerous employees who have mastered the art of understatement. Really, you look really unemployed

"Are you taking anything for that?" again numerous people. No, I don't believe that getting better will benefit me in anyway. I actually prefer the feeling of coughing up pieces of my body. Why settle for a lung when you can actually force pieces of your retina to disengage through the sheer force of coughing?

"Look at what happened to the copy machine," copy machine guy. Look, dude, your job is important. However, my head has exploded and there is precious little left. On top of that I don't care what happened to each ball bearing in the rotor tract of the copy machine. My needs will be met by simply telling me, I found the problem and fixed it. I certainly don't need or want flow charts that graphicly detail why certain bearings within the machine didn't have a good time at the copy party and revolted.

"Let's go see a George Clooney Movie" NO. Sure I liked Ocean's Eleven and O Brother. after that, I now have no good things to say about the man's movies. In fact, I didn't get sick until after seeing the new one "confessions of a dangerous mind". While I won't blame my friends for going there, I will blame George Clooney. In fact I am publicly challenging him now to either brawl with me or make a movie that is entertaining. He has little chance of succes at either but it is an open challenge. If I find his home address, I will be forwarding all medical bills to him. Perhaps there are some molecules from the movie theater where the movie was viewed that were tainted by the movie itself. These molecules found their way into my body and as a result my immunity system has taken drastic measures to remove them. I mean really drastic. There seems to be no blood left in my extremities and I know for a fact that before the retina's began detaching, I had coughed up both lungs, part of a kidney, and all of by spleen. Clooney owes me a lot of cash. Roll the credits

posted by Darol at 11:19 AM

 
Two days in a row? Stop the presses. Actually I don't really have anything to ramble about yet. But I want to send my good friends who got me involved with this litte excursion some air time. so head on over to Kevin's place or to Curt's ramble. Which to tell you the truth is kind of ridiculous since the only people who read my rants are Curt, Kevin, and Jason. Jason has yet to create one of these things and Curt and Kevin know their own address. Thus this entire entry is stupid on my part. Anything else? OOOHH! how about the Texas weather. Let's have a month where it's the dead of winter, yet the temperature is 80 degrees!!!! That's not right. It is just plain wrong. Besides the fact that the ver next day the temp. drops to 40. What is that? The only time one should have a 40 degree change in one day is if there is protractor and geometry problem involved. That is the only time. Roll the credits.
posted by Darol at 11:05 AM

 
Reality TV sucks. It should be called Not Even Close To Reality TV. I might want to watch it then. Hmmmm. Meet the folks. Now here is an interesting premise. We will gather 4 or 5 members of the one sex (who are all hot) to compete for a rich member of the opposite sex (who is hot) and then we will video tape the soft core results all the while throwing in comments from the parents like "do you think it will last?" Gee, I dunno. Do you think it will last? 5 people you don't know all competing for someone they don't know. I can't see how this wouldn't be a lifetime relationship. The best part is when all of the people act like whatever is coming next is a suprize. "I can't believe my ex showed up." do you not watch the show? See if they wanted to make this reality tv they would put people like me on there as we try to find people who would go out with us since we aren't rich or hot. Now that is reality.
This brings us to Survivor. The only redeeming quality from this show is that we now have a new insult to throw about. "We are voting you off the island" and the "tribe has spoken". After that this show sucks. Now stay with me on this one. We are going to take people to a dismal place and make them compete for money. Ok, maybe. Next we will act like they have only what we give them to survive. Now you have blown it. If Billy the survivor starts to head into a starvation coma are you telling me that the camera guy won't give him a snickers? Then to make it worse, let's interview each contestant in as melodramtic fashion as possible. That's reality? No that is annoying. My idea for survivor would be to head to the local walmart on pay weekend. The goal would be buy all the stuff you need, this has to be like your two week shopping needs, without getting into a fight, losing your temper, or (and this is tricky) running into people who still think the mullett is a way of life and not just a hairstyle. You get the immunity necklace if you don't run into some one missing all but one tooth, or a man wearing a tank top where there is more epidermus showing than is covered. Now that's reality, at least in East Texas. Roll the credits.
posted by Darol at 12:13 PM

 
I have lost my mind. I even checked under the dirty clothes I keep neatly piled by my bedroom door. It's not there. I have written papers for a month now, played a lot of star trek games, and studied for finals. Well two of the three anyway. I would like to be witty, but I can't. I can only keep telling myself that climbing to the top of AB 1 and hurling insults at all who pass by would be un Christian. and ineffective. and at this point cold. plus there aren't really that many people I am mad at. Mostly the whole doctoral program at Sham. So I could just walk in there and hurl insults at them. Of course I still get back to the Un-Christian and ineffective. Cold however would at least be taken care of. And why am I getting my doctorate, you ask? Heck if I know. I guess I can be a really cool greeter at walmart. "that's DR. GREETER, to you pal. Now excuse me as I go collect baskets from the parking lot. I dunno it seems to lose it's power. I will rant about one other thing though.

have you ever driven between huntsville and Livingston? Let us forget the fact that there are several small communities where the cast from Deliverence spend their off season. And futher let us forget that the soon to be completed Sonic in Onalaska represents a spike in the dining cuisine of the area. It's like one huge block of horrible businesses from onlaska to Livingston. For 12 miles it's nothing but auto shops, sad looking gas stations, and pawn-flea market-stolen goods being fenced-horrible things rescued from the trash shopping. And people think there are aliens earth?Heck any body from another state sees this place and they will leave, much less people from another planet. roll the credits

posted by Darol at 7:32 PM

 
well now let's talk about statistics, shall we? Why are they important? They are not. I don't mind averages. Averages are nice little things and they make sense. They are helpful. Oh they are still stupid and annoy me in the grand scheme of statistics but overall averages mind their business and leave you alone. Now they can be helpful or misleading. "How much does the average american eat in pizza? Oh 59 pizzas a year." that's an average and it helps. Because I know that I did not eat 59 pizzas, it makes me feel better knowing somone did eat their 59 and some of mine as well. However, other statistics are evil. ANOVAs and T-Tests are evil. What? you don't understand what I am talking about? No problem, neither do I. That's my point. No one truly understands them. They were invented by people who had no social skills and instead of talking with people about issues that matter, the miscreants gathered together to plug in 7 computers at a time and develop statistic tests. Of course, they did this when they weren't busy hacking into governtment sites or trying to watch illicit movies from Bolivia. Thus the computer-geek-hacker-downloaders invent statistics to torment people with. This further supports my theory that those in charge of choosing what statistics are needed for college are really hacker-wanna-be's. If the hackers say it's good, they we believe it. I hate statistics. Roll the credits.
posted by Darol at 12:38 PM

 
I hate Lexus. the car, the commercial. Maybe even words that rhyme with Lexus, at this point. See I don't mind the fact that someone wants to buy a car. I don't care that the car may cost more than the gross national product of most countries who don't take the entire continent. Hey it's your cash, enjoy. BUT, do not portray the commercial that says, "look honey I bought you a lexus, just a little something for under the tree this Christmas." Now you ticked me off. Who says that? Who says, when present with a new matchbox car, much less a real life sized one, "oh you shouldn't have"..Really? no kidding. What you shouldn't do is act like your car is the same thing as picking up a couple of happy meals at McDonalds. Look I brought home a McFry."Oh, you shouldn't have". See that works. That is appropriate. That does not make me want to take blunt instrument and bludgeon people.

and while on the topic of bludgeoning people, I am currently planning on considering a bludgeoning for the following people: Professors at Sam Houston, the constable who gave me a speeding ticket, Leonardo Dicaprio (or however you spell his name), the makers of Star Trek Armada, and Visa. Now of course I would never really want to hurt anyone and I use bludgeon in only the friendliest of terms. Now. Jason can feel relieved that I would get in trouble for threatening harm. Roll the credits.
posted by Darol at 8:59 AM

 
Apparently crime does pay. Leonardo gets to be a criminal. Said criminal gets millions of dollars, flies for free, gets lots of hot chicks, then outsmarts all of the FBI, NATO, the Miami Police department, and several other small country governments. Then he calls the the FBI to gloat. Then gets caught. Serves a few years in prison then GETS A JOB WITH the FBI???????? with lots of money, a wife, kids, and a new check book. Roll the credits. WHAT IN THE HECK is that all about? That's it I am going to committ a crime and then agree to help bring myself in, but only after promising myself amnesty. roll the credits.
posted by Darol at 3:56 PM