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The short nap at the end of a long night. If you want something that tries to be deeper go HERE Or try other rants Kevin's -- Curt's -- James -- Back to Hail Storm
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Wednesday, November 12, 2003
It's been one week......(the fans of the barenaked ladies will now finish humming the song). What I have learned from elementary students over the last few days is summed by the following points. When free recess time is given to elementary students and an adult is present: 1) It is a moral imperative to scream the adults name repeatedly to insure that you are seen on the playground; 2) the louder you scream the more necessary it is to follow up the name with "look at me"; 3) No matter what the adult says, you must repeat 1 and 2 even while the adult looks you in the eye; 4) when playing catch with any ball of any sort, you must catch the ball and hurl it back at the adult at precisely the same time as the other 7 children. This allows the adult (me) to look like a bigger fool than usual as 3 footballs, a soccer ball, a kickball, and a marble come colliding in at precisely the same time; 5) any game for kindergarteners that involves running around with no rules is the coolest game ever invented; and 6) Go long to a an elementary student going out for a pass means to run 8 yards and stop to watch the ball sail over your head; unless you are Robert and I will talk about him in a second. By the way rules 2 and 5 combine in a very powerful manner. There is nothing quite like 20 kindergarteners screaming look at me while hanging from a monkey bar. Especially when your reply is "I am looking at you." This confuses their plan. Their plan was to continue calling your name thinking you wouldn't listen. If you do listen this causes a short circuit in their thinking. Sort of like me and Spanish. See I learned Spanish in 7th grade. I got my book and memorized that one page that was a sample of the Spanish Language. Now I don't truly know what Spanish says but I do know that I am supposed to say something and then the Spanish speaker says something and the process continues. Now in the text book world the conversation goes like this: I say hello how are you. You reply great and how about you. I say good thank-you and then we part company with a Hasta la something. However in the real world of Mexico City 4 years ago I did my part but no-one else played. Darol: Como estas? Mexico City Native: Hey look the goofy American boy is trying to talk to us. Poor guy he sounds really bad and I will bet he doesn't know what I am saying. Darol: Bien. Gracias. and I am thinking--Heh heh. Boy am I good at this. I didn't even hear him ask me how I was doing but I fooled him just the same. Mexico City native: Why is he saying Good and thank you? That's it; we should punch him in the esophagus. Not because he is from USA but because he thinks he is really fooling us. He should be honest and say, "Sorry guys I don't understand your language. Would you mind helping me?" Darol: Hasta la later....er Hasta la manna...No wait that's food from heaven....uh Hasta las Vegas. I mean.....Hasta. Oops may have blown my cover on that one. Darn Mexico city Native: What? Is he telling me he will see me in Las Vegas? and it's pronounced "Ah-sta" not "Hah-sta"! What a goofball. I wonder how Americans say goofball. See the kindergarteners were same: Kinder: Look at me, Mr. Hail me: you are doing great Kinder: Look at me, Mr. Hail me: Yeah pal, I see you Kinder: Look at me, Mr. Hail me: I am right here buddy.. I see you Kinder: Look at me, Mr. Hail me: I know. Way to go Kinder: Look at me, Mr. Hail me: yes. Kinder: Look at me, Mr. Hail me:------------------ (counting to ten) Kinder: Look at me, Mr. Hail Me: make that ten thousand Kinder: Look at me, Mr. Hail me: No time to reply as the football gang just showed up and pelted me with 4 new footballs in the back of the head. The final two stories are sweet tales of youth. Robert (whose name may or may not be changed to protect the innocent demands to go long for a pass. Robert is the only one who figures out that going long means running a long way. Go, Robert, go. Unfortunately, Robert doesn't realize you need to look for the ball at some point. So he continues to run. Stop Robert Stop. I throw the ball assuming Robert at some point will want to catch the ball. I yell "look Robert look". Robert continues running. Until he turns at the last second to have ball greet him in the head and send him falling to the ground. Fall Robert fall. I promise and would even swear if it were Biblical that I did not mean to do that to him. He smiles, jumps up and runs the ball back to me for round 2. Jerry on the other hand wants to climb the monkey bars but he wants me to carry him up the monkey bars and place him at the top. Then promise to catch him and swing him on the bars while he sits there enjoying the view. Jerry (again another name change) doesn't understand why I won't do these things for him and takes up the look at me mantra. However, since he his standing beside me holding his hands up for me to place him on the monkey bars he doesn't understand the non-effect. For those thinking I am being cruel, Jerry is a child who doesn't want to ever exert himself. Just have people carry him about the playground....so he won't have to sweat. Errrrr. Sorry Jerry, not so much. Roll the credits. Wednesday, November 05, 2003
The better parts of winter travel. I know that it's been a long time since posting here. It has been my intention to focus on cup of water. However, there was too much happening this weekend to pass up on. Allow me to address the joys of flying into snow storms. We land in Salt Lake City and everything is great. It's snowing but things are still going ok. Then we are told that the weather to casper is bad enough that we might not be able to get there--instead we might have to go to Billings. Ok, this is fair. I have now been warned that the twin prop plane that is smaller than most models might not handle the storm. I have further been informed that the pilot who would be on the ground swinging the wire for the plane might not make it because he would get too cold. Ok, still fine. Enter the airport mistake parade. TOO MUCH INFORMATION. They proceed to tell us that we now need 5 volunteers to make the plane lighter so that we can add more fuel to make the trip. Don't tell me things that make me understand how foolish I am for picking this plane. We are too small of plane to make it, so get off and we will put more fuel on. Where? Will I now be riding next to the 5 canisters of fuel? What if the fuel ways more than the 5 people who volunteered? Worse, what if they don't. What if the people were bigger than the fuel? So now I was going to be in a worse spot if it wasn't snowing? Mistake of too much information number 2-- We take off. We are in the blizzard. The pilot informs us we are going to try to make Casper but if not then it's on to Billings. Again a good place to stop. Nope, apparently my pilot was Mark Twain. He feels the need to spend 20 minutes on the intercom explaining the visibility problems, the snow, and worst of all how we really won't know if we can make it until we try to land and then if doesn't work, we will go on. DOESN'T WORK?!? If it doesn't work we have much bigger problems. I don't need this. Just land the plane and then tell me "Welcome to..........." Who cares where we land. At that point I will just be grateful to be alive. Tell me your story of narrow escape at point and I will buy you dinner. Tell me as you are flying and all I do is scream, panic, pray, and wonder what the heck you are doing while you are spinning your yarn of flight. Shouldn't you be focused on the blizzard at hand? Now we did make it and all was well. Plus 24+ inches of snow makes for a great trip. As an additional highlight, I was able to remove the multitude of icicles from my mom's house. These suckers were huge. Some of them actually got to be about a foot and a half long. So I could remove them from the roof and pretend I was Zeus hurling the mighty lightening (ice) bolts. Pretty cool feeling. The squirrels who were not hibernating seemed to be impressed by me. All in all a grand trip. Roll the credits. |
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